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A difficult and dreaded aspect of parenting is answering questions from children about reproduction (how babies are made). Somewhere between four and twelve years of age, children are likely to ask, "How do you have a baby?" or "Where do babies come from?" Some parents have used the story of the stork ("a stork drops the baby off") or they begin a scientific talk about the birds and the bees, discussing how bees pollinate and eggs hatch, to substitute for a technical explanation of how a couple really goes about having a baby. I distinctly remember asking my mother at around eight years of age, "How do you have a baby?" She replied, "A husband and wife pray to God to give them one." Okay, that was not exactly a lie, but she did evade the question. Therefore, and unfortunately, I had to learn the sexual workings from kids in the neighborhood.
Whether one comes away with a healthy understanding of reproduction depends on his luck as to who his teacher is, how accurate the instruction is, and how the teaching is presented. Sadly, often much of the information is inaccurate and leaves the child with an unwholesome view of the sex act and/or the opposite sex, which may adversely affect future relationships.
Children raised on a farm tend to "get the picture" themselves as they watch the breeding of livestock. Also, they hear parents and others talk about reproduction, such as the need for another bull (the one not getting the job done), artificial insemination, etc. You don't have to spend much time on a farm to get educated regarding the facts of life. Truly, a picture (in this case the real thing) is worth a thousand words, especially if the one with the "words" is not properly educated and prepared to answer the questions that arise.
To make a baby, the science for humans is basically the same as it is with livestock and other mammals. The male (hopefully the husband, as God intended) has sexual intercourse with the wife after they both agree that they want to bring a new person into the world, and that the time is right according to maturity and other matters (like being financially capable of raising a child). Understand that husbands and wives enjoy each other's bodies at times other than for making babies. During those occasions they use various means (contraceptives) to prevent conception (pregnancy). Their coming together (sexual intercourse) is wholesome and natural. The apostle Paul said, "[Let] marriage [be] had in honor among all, and [let] the bed [be] undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Heb.13:4 ASV).
Where should you look to find guidance?
God is the creator of mankind and He knows what is best for us. He has not issued commands to keep us from having fun or enjoying life to the fullest, but to the contrary. The Bible is God's guide to life on earth with directions regarding a conditional promise of eternal life in heaven. He is all-wise and knows what is best for his creation. He loves us and wants us to be happy in this life, even as we approach the end of our days and the reward that awaits us. Yet, he is a just God and punishes those who reject his guidance. What often appears to be punishment from God, however, is just a natural consequence of doing something foolish - something God has forbidden. In other words, "Good understanding giveth favor; But the way of the transgressor is hard" (Prov. 13:15 ASV). Whether one takes the "hard" road or not will depend on where he looks for guidance-from man or from God. By inspiration of God the prophet Jeramiah wrote, "O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps" (Jer. 10:23). You can learn from God and/or those who have made the mistakes He has warned about; or you can refuse to listen, learn from your own mistakes, and suffer the consequences - which may be severe.
What is fornication and why does God warn against it?
Fornication is not simple to define, but it is generally understood to include the sexual coming together of two people who are not married to each other. Fornication is listed among the sins that will keep you from heaven. "Now the actions of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, rivalry, jealously, outbursts of anger, quarrels, conflicts, factions, envy, murder, drunkenness, wild partying, and things like that. I am telling you now, as I have told you in the past, that people who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal 5:19-21 ISV). God urges his people to "Flee fornication" and explains that "Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (1 Cor. 6:18). In other words, when one commits fornication, he commits a special class of sin - one that adversely affects one's own body in various ways.
You live in a messed-up world.
One who receives his "sex education" (how to behave with the opposite sex) from television or from acquaintances (the world) is in for trouble. This is because most in the world have little to no concern about what God has said, as they care only about what "feels good" or what they like. On television you see people hopping into bed with someone to whom they are not married without any concern as to what might happen. You do know that this is how babies are made, right? And surely you see the problems with starting a family with someone you do not love and with whom you have little in common. But do you also know that some horrible and even deadly diseases are transmitted this way? Perhaps the least considered consequence of "sleeping around" (promiscuity) is the ruining of your reputation - particularly if you are a girl. You should be aware (especially if you are attractive) that there are guys who will look upon you as a conquest or challenge. They will seek to seduce and entice you to "go out" with them, and if you do, and you give in to their wishes, they will be quick to tell all their buddies. It will soon become common knowledge and then your likelihood of attracting a godly man for dating and marriage will be diminished. This is why you should endeavor to protect your name. Solomon wrote, "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches" (Prov. 22:1) .
Dating and making a choice for marriage
Wait until you are mature enough to date, which will be at least sixteen years of age for most. Even then, assure that the date is with someone who respects you and is not known to be a "kiss and tell" type. Also, it is sometimes wise to be accompanied by adults, or at least another couple (double date) that you know and respect. Let the dates be for the purpose of getting to know each other. Talk about things you have in common and your goals in life. If the date is all about passion it will serve no useful purpose and no good is likely to come from it. Perhaps it would be best if passion is avoided altogether before marriage, as has historically been the case in countries like China. They have had a far more stable civilization than ours and their families have been stronger knit than ours. The reason for this is that they were never together physically before marriage, and therefore provided themselves no opportunity for going wrong because of physical passion. Parents united them according to background, culture, education, etc. The Chinese have a proverb about such things. They say that romantic love without these affinities of mind and soul is like a hot kettle on a cold stove; it will grow cold. But, the affinity of the mind and soul without the romantic love is like a cold kettle on a hot stove - it will warm up! In other words, romance can come after marriage if the good qualities are there.
Marriage is not for everyone but is what most want and seek.
Marriage is honorable and is recommended in both the Old and New Testaments. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife (woman): and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). While it is not a command to marry, God said that it is "Not good that man should be alone" (Gen 2:18).
Paul, who was slanderously reported by some to be opposed to marriage, said: "I will, therefore, that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully" (I Tim. 5:14). He also gave commands regarding the "unmarried," whether man or woman: "To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband" (1 Cor. 7:1, 2); "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn" (1 Cor. 7:8, 9).
Before a man can serve the Lord as an elder or deacon he must be married. This stipulation indicates that the Lord thinks marriage is good - that celibacy is not the better state. The wise man said, "Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing and findeth favor of the Lord" (Prov. 18:22), and that the "price" of a good wife ("virtuous woman") is "far above rubies" (Prov. 31:10).
As you date and prepare for marriage, don't think that there is a "one and only" for you. It is probable that many people in the world would make you a good mate. Therefore, date several. The more you date the more apt you are to find a good mate. And the more you have in common with the person you marry, the happier you will be and the more likely it will last. Realize that God gave the instinct to mate, but you must prepare for marriage. Observe the conduct of people who have happy marriages and endeavor to imitate them. Listen to your parents. Read books about dating and preparation for marriage. Above all, listen to the voice of God as revealed through the Bible.
Young people, it is possible that your parents will not answer your questions about reproduction forthrightly or to your satisfaction - they may, as stated earlier, refer to the "stork" or the "birds and the bees." Therefore, you may be on your own. Thus, you will have to do research and make up your minds as to what is right and what is wrong. Naturally, you will have to use willpower to resist temptation and you will be responsible for your own actions, whether good or bad. If you feel your parents failed you, don't think too harshly of them. Parenting is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows the correct way to do it. Make up for their shortcomings by endeavoring to be a great parent yourself.
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