Dealing With Criticism

by John Gaines

INTRODUCTION

1.     Everybody receives criticism.
        a.    No matter who you are and what you do, someone won't like something. Rebuke
        b.    Some keep quiet about their dissatisfaction; others voice their opinions.

2.     Nobody likes criticism.
        a.    It isn't pleasant to have your faults pointed out to you even when you can recognize 
               that you've made a mistake.
        b.    Especially when the criticism seems unfair, it's galling to have to "grin and bear it."

3.     Let us look to an Old Testament story and see what we can learn about dealing with criticism.
        a.     King David was one of the great leaders of Israelite history. 
                1) Throughout much of his reign, David was adored by his people.
                2) Yet even David faced criticism, opposition, and open rebellion led by his son, Absalom.
                     i.During this uprising, David had to flee from Jerusalem.
         b.    David went eastward across the Mount of Olives and traveled an old road toward Jericho.
                1) In a village called Bahurim, he encountered a man named Shimei [Shih-me-i] who 
                    was from the same family as King Saul.
                2) The Saulites had turned against David and hoped to get one of their family back 
                    on the throne.
                    a) Shimei was very hostile toward David:
2 Samuel 16:5-7 (NKJV) “Now when King David came to Bahurim, there was a man
from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei the son of Gera, 
coming from there. He came out, cursing continuously as he came. 6 And he threw 
stones at David and at all the servants of King David. And all the people and all the
mighty men were on his righthand and on his left. 7 Also Shimei said thus when he
cursed: "Come out! Come out!You bloodthirsty man, you rogue!”
        c.     Understandably, David's men wanted to take care of this troublemaker.
                1) Abishai asked David, 
"Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me 
go over now, and cut off his head." 2 Samuel 16:9 (NASB)
        d.     David refused to retaliate against Shimei. 
                1) He explained that Shimei was cursing him because the Lord had told him to do it. 
                2) He thought,
"It may be that the LORD will look on my affliction, and that the LORD 
will repay me with good for his cursing this day."  2 Samuel 16:12 (NKJV)
4.     David had the perception to see that the Lord could use his enemies to bring about good in his life.

5.    There is an important lesson here for us as we learn how to deal with criticism.


Body
I. DON'T WORRY ABOUT GETTING EVEN.

    A.     Abishai said, "Let me cut off his head!" 
            1.    Many of us are tempted to mirror that attitude when people criticize us and hurt us.
            2.    By contrast, the Lord says "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay."
                    a. Thus, we should not take our own revenge. [Romans 12:19(NASB)] 
                    b. Whenever we react in the same way worldly-minded unspiritual men and women 
                        would react to provocation, we lose the opportunity to exhibit a Christ-like spirit 
                        and exert positive influence toward others by the example of how a man or woman 
                        of God ought to deal with such a situation.
                        1)  So Jesus taught in Matthew 5:44-48 (NKJV) 
       "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate 
       you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 "that you may be sons  
       of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends 
      rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 "For if you love those who love you, what reward have 
      you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 "And if you greet your brethren only, what 
      do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? 48 "Therefore you shall be 
      perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
II. LISTEN CAREFULLY TO THE CRITICISM

    A.     It is natural for us to want to pass off criticism as unfair and inaccurate.
            1.    Some of us have great trouble seeing our own flaws.
                    a. One business executive constantly berated his secretary for taking his dictation wrong.
                        1)  She persuaded him to begin recording his dictation into a tape recorder so she could                                  check the tapes and be sure she typed it correctly.
                        2)  A few days later, she heard her boss' loud voice coming from his office as he argued
                             with the recorder, "I DID NOT say that! No, I did not say that!"
            2.     Let us try to be open-minded enough to acknowledge the remote possibility that the 
                    criticism might be valid and deserved.

    B.    Realize that criticism does not always come from ill will.
            1. Often criticism results from some kind of misunderstanding.
                a. When someone has something against you, you need to talk with him.
Matthew 5:23-24 (NKJV) "Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there
remember that your brother has something against you, "leave your gift there before 
the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and 
offer your gift."”
                b. Honest and open communication can resolve many problems.
                    1) Talking about the problem may cause you to realize that you are indeed at fault. 
                    2) Then you can sincerely apologize and seek to restore the hurt relationship.
            2.     Talking about the problem can help the one who has been critical realize his
                    misunderstanding and show him that he has wronged you by his criticisms.

    C.    If we listen carefully to criticism, with an open mind, we can determine if the criticism is 
            just and whether to defend ourselves or say, “you are right” and “thank you”.


III. CONSIDER THE SOURCE

    A.    Unfortunately, some people have the disposition of sour lemons and little can be done about it. 
            1. Like the boy crying "Wolf!" too often, those who are always hyper-critical soon lose their
                credibility.
            2. Their opinions are ignored.

    B.     We should not allow ourselves to become vindictive against those who seem to be "out to 
            get us" with no rhyme or reason behind their behavior. 
            1.    This gives us an opportunity to practice loving our enemies.
            
    C.     Weigh the criticism as objectively as you can to see if there is any merit to it.
            1.     A constant complainer might occasionally have a legitimate point.
            2.    David looked for good to come from the most unfair and hostile of his critics.
                   We should try to have the same attitude.

    D.    If you are the source of criticism consider the person you might criticize.
            1.    The wise man said: Prov. 9:8 - “Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a 
                   wise man, and he will love thee.”
            2.    
Prov. 27:17 - “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”
                    a.    Friends can benefit from one another’s criticism. 
Prov. 28:23 - “He that rebuketh a man afterwards shall find more favour than he 
that flattereth with the tongue.”
                    b.    But there are some you best let alone - they do not want to hear…


IV. REMEMBER HOW MUCH HARSH CRITICISM CAN HURT

    A.     No matter how "thick your skin", you can be hurt by critical words spoken without love.

    B.     Be careful to bridle your own tongue when tempted to criticize others.
Colossians 4:6 (NKJV) “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that 
you may know how you ought to answer each one.]When criticism needs to be given, do it;”
            1.     Criticize with kindness. 
Ephesians 4:15 - “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, 
which is the head, even Christ;”
            2.     Criticize as privately as possible. 
                    a.  In most cases, other people do not want to hear others criticized and the criticized are
                        more likely to benefit if it is done in private.
                    b. There is a place for public rebuke [1 Timothy 5:20] but make sure you are in that kind 
                        of situation before embarrassing someone publicly.
                        1) Paul said to Timothy: 
“Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.”
    C.    When giving criticism, be careful in choosing your words.
Prov. 25:11-12 - “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.  As an 
earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear.”
CONCLUSION
1. All of us have been hurt by unkind criticism.

2. Most of us can also say we have been helped by criticism.

3. It is extremely important that we learn to discern the difference between constructive 
    and destructive criticism.
    a.    Discard the harmful while accepting and benefiting from the helpful kind. 
    b.    Don’t shun away from giving the helpful criticism when it is needed.